


All's Fair in Love and War

by goldthatglistens



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: M/M, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2019-11-05 08:27:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17915342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldthatglistens/pseuds/goldthatglistens
Summary: Klaus and Dave's relationship blossoms despite the horrors of Vietnam.(Klaus and Dave: A Five Part Opera)





	1. I Feel Like I’m Fixin' to Die Rag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for homophobic behavior and derogatory slurs
> 
> Sorry for any spelling/grammar errors!

 

 

 

> _"And it's one, two, three,_
> 
> _What are we fighting for?_
> 
> _Don't ask me, I don't give a damn,_
> 
> _Next stop is Vietnam._
> 
> _And it's five, six, seven,_
> 
> _Open up the pearly gates,_
> 
> _Well there ain't no time to wonder why_
> 
> _Whoopee! We're all gonna die."_
> 
> - **[I Feel Like I’m Fixin' to Die Rag](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3W7-ngmO_p8)**, Country Joe & The Fish
> 
>  

* * *

 

**_August 6th, 1968: A Shau Valley_ **

Klaus landed hard on his butt with a crackle of blue electricity. He looked around stunned; he was not on the bus anymore, but in some sort of crummy dirty tent.

“Damn it,” he cursed. Just his luck. Of course, those creepy torturing idiots wouldn’t have nice normal gold in the suitcase but some stupid transporter --- and _sweet baby Jesus_.

Klaus’s brain stopped abruptly as his eyes landed on literally the most gorgeous person his deprived eyeballs had ever seen. Klaus’s eyes wandered from the striking blue eyes to the glistening sweaty abs to rumpled bed head. Hotness meter was blown off the charts, dick hard as a rock; he didn’t give a fuck about where fuck he was except that he was at the lair of some sort of sex god--- HOLY FUCKING CHRIST.

An explosion jolted the ground. Suddenly, Klaus cared very much where he was as there were now _fucking explosions_ outside the dirty tent. Klaus clutched the suitcase close to him and tried very hard not to scream. Some shouty man forced him to wear pants and Klaus was in such shock that he didn’t even get the chance to protest about how butt ugly they were. He much preferred the towel. 

As explosions shook the ground beneath his feet, Klaus followed the rest of the men to a dirty bus. He quickly shoved the suitcase under the bench and sat shaking with fear. Soon the sound of the explosions faded as choppers flew over head.

Once his heart had stopped beating so fucking fast, he peaked at the suitcase under his feet. If he opened the suitcase, he could get out of this hellhole. On the other hand, knowing his luck, he would probably end up in Nazi Germany.

 **BOOM**.

An explosion shook the van and shrapnel flew past his nose, nearly taking out his eye.

Ah, fuck it, thought Klaus. He reached down, opened the suitcase, and closed his eyes waiting to be transported. He cautiously opened one eye.

 **BOOM**!

Klaus opened his other eye. He was still on the fucking bus!

Klaus desperately shook the suitcase. Some weak blue sparks escaped from the suitcase. Klaus leaned down and put his whole face into the suitcase. Inside the suitcase was some bizarre Etch-a-Sketch looking screen embedded onto what looked like the Terminator’s butt.

Klaus removed his face and shook the suitcase. A blue spark appeared and zapped his nostril singeing some nose hair

“Fuckity fuck fuck,” cursed Klaus. Of course the stupid suitcase was broken. He sat up and sighed. He was stuck in the Vietnam War in fricken 1968. Fucking post-it notes hadn’t even been invented. Crack cocaine hadn’t even reached the States! 

Klaus didn’t know how long he sat there completely shell-shocked. Of all the ways he imagined himself dying (heart giving out after a enthusiastic cocaine-fueled BDSM session; murdered by his dear yet bat-shit crazy family, etc., etc.), he’d never imagined himself dying along with some scared kids in the fucking Vietnam War.

Someone shook his shoulder. Klaus turned around in his seat to see the blue eyed sex god from earlier.

“You just get in country?”

Klaus tried to work his mouth and failed just a little. “Oh..uh..yeah.”

Dave gave him a small understanding smile. “Shit’s crazy. I know.”

Klaus swooned. The man wasn’t just a sex god; he was a gorgeous caring man who was _actually talking_ to Klaus. Say something back, Klaus! Something witty and cute!

“Yeah,” said Klaus, like an idiot.

“You’ll adjust,” the man said gently. “I’m Dave.” He held out his hand for Klaus to shake.

“Klaus.” Klaus grabbed Dave’s hand and leaned forward. His hand was strong and warm. Klaus pushed the suitcase out of sight under his seat before Dave could see it.

Dave chatted with him for the rest of the ride. Klaus wasn’t sure if it was Dave’s calming presence that made the harsh sound of the choppers disappear or if the choppers actually had left. Either way, he didn't give a fuck. 

When they finally reached their destined location of the middle of bumfuck nowhere in the freaking jungle, sweaty men shouted at them as they unloaded the cargo and the guns. Klaus quickly grabbed a blanket, covered the suitcase, and clutched it close to his chest. 

“Who the fuck are you?” shouted one man shaking his cigarette in front of Klaus’s face.

“Oh, uh, Klaus?” asked Klaus. “Sir?” The man frowned and took a drag on his cigarette.

“He’s with us, sir,” Dave’s voice came from behind Klaus. “He’s new.” Klaus felt his knees weaken. God he loved this man too much already.

“Oh for fuck’s sake. Didn’t know they let fags into the army now. Really scraping the goddamned barrel aren’t they.” The man slapped Klaus’s back. “Stand up straight and pull back your shoulders like a man. Shoot straight and the gooks won’t cut your ears off.”

The man threw his cigarette on the ground and stomped away. Klaus opened his mouth to yell at the man, but Dave spoke before he could.

“Don’t mind him, Klaus,” Dave said. “They call him, Cactus Jack, ‘cause he’s pricklier than a whole goddamn Saguaro.”

“Oh,” said Klaus. He laughed nervously.

“And Klaus,” Dave grabbed Klaus’s shoulder and lowered his voice to a whisper. “As long as you cover our asses, no one will fuck with you. I promise."

Klaus nodded and lowered his head looking up at Dave though his eyelashes. “Thank you, Dave.” Klaus murmured.

Dave turned a little pink and punched his shoulder. “Come on, we’ve got work to do.”

Klaus smiled to himself. One superpower he never bothered to share with anyone was his near perfect gaydar. And Dave was pinging nearly off the charts.

***

The sharp sounds of AK-47’s woke Klaus the next day. He sat up only to be pushed down by Dave.

“Get your gun. It’s a firefight,” shouted Dave. “Keep your cool.”

Klaus groaned. He was still in fucking Vietnam!

“Get your gun!” shouted Dave again. Klaus turned to look at him and a thought struck him. Dave was too gorgeous and smart a man to be spending any time protecting a fuck up fag like Klaus in the fucking Vietnam war. 

“You really got screwed over by some baaaaad dope,” Klaus muttered to himself. He covered his head with his hands and moaned. Obviously, he had bought some bad shrooms or something and was immersed in an incredibly detailed hallucination.

A blast of an M-16 nearly deafened him. “Klaus! Gun! Now!” Dave nearly screamed. Klaus looked at him and smiled. Dave was really cute. Why not play along? Could be fun.

Klaus picked up his gun and began shooting in the general direction of wherever the hell the bullets were coming from. After shooting randomly in one direction, Klaus got bored. How could he spice this up?

As he watched two men get shot, he wondered what it would be like to die in one’s own hallucination. Klaus rose up from the ground, shut his eyes, and sprinted at the AK-47’s, firing his gun wildly.

When he opened his eyes, he was alone in the jungle surrounded by horrible bloody bodies.

“Your mind is a dark dark place,” he told himself almost gagging at the sight of a chunk of flesh. “But what’s new?” He giggled a little wildly. 

The jungle and the dead men were too still for Klaus’s liking. Something about the silence made him want to shout. “Do you want to talk to me, sweetheart?” Klaus crouched down near a man’s head. “You never normally stop talking. I suppose in my hallucinations the dead don’t talk.”

Klaus sat down on the moist jungle floor to wait for a voice. Instead he heard the crack of a twig and the click of a rifle.

Klaus turned to look down the barrel of Cactus Jack’s rifle. He stared cross eyed at the rifle for a bit before it was lowered.

“That was a mighty dumb thing to do, huh, boy?” scowled Cactus Jack. “Thought your scrawny little arms would get blown off.”

Cactus Jack roughly pulled up Klaus from the ground and pinned him to a tree. “You think you’re tough, boy? Just wait until you’re here for a year, if you even last that long.”

Klaus widened his eyes. “Oh, daddy,” he moaned. “Am I in trouble?” He dropped his voice to a breathy whisper. “Are you gonna spank me?”

Cactus Jack quickly pulled away from Klaus and punched him in the face. “You fucking fag.”

Klaus smiled. “What?” he asked innocently. “You were the one pinning _me_ to a tree.”

Cactus Jack punched Klaus two more times and Klaus groaned loudly. “More, please.”

“You sick fuck!” Cactus Jack recoiled away from Klaus. Klaus smirked. Worked every time.

“Robinson!” came a shout from the distance. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Klaus watched a short stocky man come into view.

“He’s fucking crazy,” Cactus Jack said to the man.

“Yeah, he’s fucking crazy, but he just saved us all. Without that suicide tactic, we'd all be dead. Those crap rifles they gave us all jammed.”

“No, I mean he’s fucking sick in the head. He’s a fucking fag, look at him.”

The short man stared at Klaus and Klaus stared rather woozily back.

The man turned back to Cactus Jack. “Listen, Robinson. There’s a fucking war going on. We’ve lost enough boys in this goddamned war as it is. We need as many as we can get. As long as Yankee Doodle Dandy keeps his dick in his pants and his hands to himself, I don’t give a flying fuck he’s a flaming faggot as long as he keeps up the good work.”

“Thank you, sir,” Klaus simpered sarcastically. “This flaming faggot is happy to be at your service.” He gave a little curtsy.

“Don’t push your luck, boy,” growled the short man. “What do you say, Robinson?”

“Yessir,” said Cactus Jack glumly. “But if he comes within five feet of me when I’m asleep, I’ll cut off his dick.”

Klaus looked Cactus Jack up and down with a smirk. “Trust me Jack. I prefer…bigger men.” Klaus gave a meaningful glance to Cactus Jack’s crotch and winked.

“Well, there you go, Robinson,” said the short man turning away from both of them. “Now, come on Yankee Doodle. Let’s go back to the fucking camp.”

***

In the days following, Klaus realized two things: he had appeared to have actually time-traveled to the Vietnam War which was incredibly crappy luck, but he got to spend time with the kindest most beautiful man that had ever lived which was extremely good luck.

For the first time in his life, Klaus took things slow. Dave was a sweet guy and Klaus didn’t want to screw up the one good thing he ever had in his life. Besides going around shirtless as often as possible, batting his eyelashes, and wiggling his ass around like there was no tomorrow, Klaus was being the most subtle he had ever been in his life.

Klaus stuck close to Dave and Dave didn’t seem to mind. Dave looked out for him, bandaged his wounds for him, and kept him company. Dave listened to whatever crap Klaus had to say and actually gave constructive advice back. Klaus slept close to Dave every night and introduced Dave to the art of smoking hash out of his M16. They choked down their crappy corned beef and canned whatever-the-fuck together. They sweated endlessly in the unrelenting heat, which was awful, except Dave looked _so good_ all shiny and lathered with sweat.

Klaus was miserable, yes,--- it was the fucking Vietnam War!--- but he was also the happiest he had ever been in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a historian, have not fought in any wars, and mean no disrespect to anyone who served in Vietnam.


	2. Can't Take My Eyes Off You

 

> _"You're just too good to be true_  
>    
>  _I can't take my eyes off you_  
>    
>  _You'd be like heaven to touch_  
>    
>  _I wanna hold you so much_  
>    
>  _At long last love has arrived_  
>    
>  _And I thank God I'm alive_  
>    
>  _You're just too good to be true  
>  _  
>  _Can't take my eyes off you"_
> 
> _-[Can't Take My Eyes Off You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbnXASVV--M)_, Franki Valli

 

 

**_September 7th, 1968: A Shau Valley_ **

 

Being in the army sucked ass. 

The only thing worse than hacking his way through the hot humid jungle was hacking his way through the jungle with the stupid fucking briefcase. Holy shit was that thing heavy. He still hadn’t figured out how to work the worthless piece of shit. 

According to higher ups, they were in the A Shau Valley to prevent the NVA from bringing new guns and shit along the Ho Chi Mihn trail.  In the distance, Klaus could see the Ap Bia Mountain, or as the local people called it, “Mountain of the Crouching Beast”. 

Klaus rather liked calling it “Mountain of the Crouching Beast.” It had a certain dramatic flair to it that Klaus really appreciated especially when he was feeling less than spectacular as he picked leeches and ticks off his body. 

Because unfortunately to Klaus, the only things that appeared to be interested in Klaus’s ass were the ticks. Dave had already used his cigarette to scare off at least three swollen ticks that had found themselves a delicious meal of Klaus’s butt. Not cute at all! Klaus normally had no problem getting people to fuck him, but despite all of the (really really hot, goddamn it ) glances he shared with Dave, there was no fucking to be had. 

Klaus soon realized that this was because war was the biggest fucking cockblock of them all. (Even worse than Diego who practiced his knife throwing by casually tossing knives extremely close to the crotches of all the people Klaus ever brought home. Surprisingly, to most of them a knife gently whizzing past the groin was considered a turn off not a turn on.) 

The stress of the war was constant and all threatening. Every shadow in the jungle looked like a platoon of soldiers coming to shoot his face off. Klaus vividly remembered the time when they had reached a clearing in the jungle and were suddenly face to face with the Viet Cong. There was a brief second when both sides stared at each other bug eyed waiting for someone to shoot. Klaus doesn’t remember who shot first; he was too busy diving behind a tree.

And it wasn’t even just the VC they had to worry about. Once, an American chopper flew over their head and started shooting at them mistaking them for the enemy. They only stopped because Klaus was idiotic enough to jump around waving his helmet to try to show he was an American soldier. Everyone else was buried under a log scared shitless. The chopper flew off with an apologetic wave. That night Dave gave him a quick hug and smile. 

"You saved us,” said Dave. 

“Aww, well,” said Klaus modestly. Klaus wasn’t brave. He was just an idiot. 

“I was terrified, and you were really brave. But don’t ever do that again.”

“You’re too sweet,” murmured Klaus. “Tell me more.” He leaned forward into Dave and Dave laughed sweetly.

“Stop the chit chat and start the digging, Yankee Doodle!” yelled the sergeant right by his ear. “Charlie doesn’t sleep and neither do we!”

Klaus rolled his eyes but started to dig, making sure to flex his ass at Dave while he did so. He looked back to see Dave’s eyes trained straight on his ass. He grinned at Dave and wiggled his butt around. Dave blushed and turned away, but Klaus smiled to himself. 

The next day, things between Klaus and Dave began to heat up. They were on patrol again, in the freaking jungle, like always when Klaus noticed a gun aiming for soldier in front of him. Klaus jumped on the soldier’s back with a screech, tackling him to the ground. 

“What the--” the man started before the loud _crack-crack_ of gunfire broke through the air. They both crawled away to safety and lay huddled beneath some rotted log until the gunfire stopped. 

“Thank you, brother,” said the man, offering a hand to shake. “I’m Dewey.” He had a slow deep voice, an easy smile, and a forehead rather dewy with perspiration.  

“No problem, darling” Klaus grabbed Dewey’s hand and did a very manly shake if he did say so himself. “I’m Klaus.”

Dewey laughed a little incredulously. “I know you. You’re Precious.”

“What?” asked Klaus. “I’m precious?”

“Sarge calls you Yankee Doodle for god knows why, but me and the rest of the folk here call you Precious.”

“Oh,” said Klaus with a tilt of his head unsure whether to defend himself or not. “Why?” 

 “When we found that old hut a while back ago, you found what you said was green tea leaves. You took it because none of us motherfuckers wanted it, but instead of drinking it you put it all over your face like a fucking nutter. When ol’ Four-Eyes asked you why, you said it was a face mask to rejuvenate your skin. Four-Eyes told us about it and he said, ‘Worried about his damn skin in the war. Ain’t he precious?’” We sure got a kick out of that.” Dewey laughed again, but it wasn’t unkind. “Well, joke’s on me. You’re sure as hell precious. Anyone who saves my life is pretty damn precious to me.”

Klaus smiled and curtseyed a little. “Do you think the green tea worked?” asked Klaus turning his head to show off his skin. “It’s supposed to make your eye bags go down. Unfortunately, I can’t really tell in this godforsaken jungle.”

“Damned if I know. You should ask Dave. He sees you most every day.” The man smiled and nodded at someone behind Klaus. Klaus whipped around to see Dave leaning against a tree watching them with a small smile. 

“Hi Dave.” Klaus was suddenly shy again.

“Heya Klaus,” Dave walked closer to them. “Glad to see you’re making friends.” 

“Oh.. uh.. Yeah,” said Klaus eloquent as always around Dave. “I met Dewey.” 

“He saved my life, man,” said Dewey. “Tackled me to the ground. I’d be blown to bits if it weren’t for him.”

“Klaus saved my life a couple of times too,” Dave replied and he put his arm around Klaus’s shoulder. “Glad you’re alright, but we should really be getting back to camp. Fight’s over.” They walked back to their base and Dave kept his arm around Klaus’s shoulder. Klaus felt very safe and warm. 

When they were back, Dave dragged Klaus away from camp to a more secluded area. He grabbed Klaus’s shoulders and looked him up and down. “Are you hurt?” Dave looked genuinely concerned. 

“No, no,” murmured Klaus eyes flickering between Dave’s sweet mouth and pretty eyes. “I’m fine. Not a scratch.”

“I couldn’t find you and I worried,” said Dave. Klaus swooned. Dave was worried about him! “And then I found you talking to Dewey about green tea face masks of all things.” Dave shook his head and laughed. “Only you, Klaus.”

“ _Do_ you think it worked?” asked Klaus. “The green tea face mask.” He put his hands under his chin and batted his eyelashes at Dave.

“Hmmm,” Dave took Klaus face in his hands and Klaus felt as though all the blood in his body was on fire. Dave carefully inspected Klaus’s face. 

“Your face is so soft,” Dave whispered. He rubbed Klaus’s cheeks with thumbs. 

Klaus’s blood immediately took a detour to his dick, fully impacting his brain function. A strangled “Hmmmm” was unfortunately the only sound he could produce. He tried to scoot a little closer to Dave, but promptly tripped over his own foot. He rolled on the ground and landed on his back propped up on his arms with his legs spread out to each side of him. He met Dave’s eyes and licked his lips. Dave swallowed, his whole throat moving with the swallow. Dave took a step forward to Klaus and then stopped. The tension in the air was almost as thick as the humidity.

“Hey, you two fuckers just standing around in the jungle!” screamed the sergeant. “Get off your lazy asses and start helping! Chop chop!” 

Dave immediately straightened up. “Yessir, we’re on it.” He turned to Klaus, but didn’t meet his eyes. “Let’s go, Klaus.” He turned to head back to the camp.  

Klaus groaned, but got up and followed Dave back to camp.

 

**_September 30th, 1968: Saigon_ **

 

If it weren’t for Saigon, Klaus and Dave would have probably been cockblocked the whole time before dying of sexual frustration and maybe also malaria. 

The company was awarded with short three day R&R in Saigon for god knows why. Klaus hadn’t been in the army long, but he’d been here long enough to shut up and take what he got.

Everyone was looking forward to it, but Klaus even more so. Klaus had a good feeling about Saigon. The rest of the soldiers were excited for some I&I (intercourse and intoxication) with the local girls. Klaus was hoping for a little I&I with Dave.

Saigon was a jungle itself. There were people everywhere, on foot, on bikes, and in cars. Girls stood at the the entrance to dirty bars and smiled at the American GIs. Klaus and Dave rented out some clothes, dumped their stuff in the rooms provided and immediately went out to explore the city. 

Before long, Klaus, Dave and some other of their company ended up bar hopping. Klaus danced around like an idiot, always keeping one eye on Dave. One time Klaus danced right into the back of Dave. He pretended to shake his fist at him and Dave just smiled at him. 

They drank with Freddy, another man in their company and a pretty Vietnamese girl called Ly. Klaus hadn’t been this drunk in a long time. He spent most of his time in the jungle smoking weed and drinking beer, not hard liquor. 

Klaus got tired of dancing and was drinking again by the bar. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dave come up to the bar as well and Klaus smiled. Both him and Dave were whisked away to dance again. This time they stayed close together while they danced. 

“ Đẹp trai ,” the girl dancing with Dave shouted over the music. 

“Cảm ơn bạn,” Dave replied. 

“What did she say to you?” asked Klaus.

“She said I was handsome,” Dave smiled. “And I said thank you.” He looked at the girl for confirmation and she nodded. 

The girl pointed to Klaus and looked at Dave, “Đẹp trai .” 

“Đẹp quá,” replied Dave. He nodded towards Klaus and looking at the floor, blushing. The girl laughed. She grabbed her friend that was dancing with Klaus, pushing Klaus into Dave as they danced away. 

“What did you say about me?” asked Klaus as Dave wrapped his arm around Klaus’s shoulders. “You made them leave!” 

Dave grinned cheekily at Klaus. “I said you wanted another drink.”

“You liar,” scolded Klaus, but he leaned into Dave’s arm and Dave’s face turned a shade pinker. “I bet you said I had the clap.”

“I would never defile your reputation like that,” laughed Dave. “Come on. Drinks on me?”

They got drinks and went to go dance again, this time together. Klaus felt like there was no one else in the room. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Dave and Dave was similarly staring back at him. 

“I’m tired,” said Dave, though he didn’t look tired in the slightest. “Do you want to rest a little bit?” He nodded towards a secluded little place partitioned off by a bead curtain and blushed.

“Yes, please,” said Klaus and they headed their way on over. Klaus leaned against wall in what he hoped was a sultry fashion. It’d been so long since he had tried seducing anyone. 

“I’m glad I’m here. This has been one of the happiest nights of my life,” said Klaus. He scooted a bit closer to Dave.  

“Yeah?” asked Dave. “Me too.”

Dave put his hand on Klaus’s neck. “May I?” he asked. Klaus swooned and nodded. Dave’s lips were soft and sweet and his mouth tasted _so good_. 

Klaus had never been addicted to anything faster in his life. “More,” Klaus pleaded and wrapped his arms around Dave’s neck. 

Dave smiled, “Let me take your drink first before you spill it, baby.” He took Klaus’s drink out of his hand and placed it on the floor. 

“Thanks,” said Klaus. “My brain just melted.” He does some ridiculous motion with his hands to demonstrate his melty brain. Dave’s lips curled up in a soft smile and he shakes his head in apparent disbelief. Klaus sincerely hopes that he’s not regretting his decision to kiss Klaus. 

Dave stops Klaus’s self-deprecating train of thought by placing his hands around Klaus’s waist. “Now I’m all yours.” 

“Oh, god. Yes, baby,” sighed Klaus. 

Klaus leaned in eagerly to kiss Dave again. He placed his hand on Dave’s chest and tried to feel more of his chest, undoing the first button of Dave’s shirt. Dave was so hot that Klaus couldn’t even think; he felt like his brain was swimming through maple syrup. 

Dave’s hand wandered down from its position Klaus’s waist to his ass and Klaus felt a spark travel to his groin. 

Klaus put his hand down Dave’s pants and he doesn’t remember much else besides the fact that it was hot, dirty, and desperate. Klaus thought his brain may have shorted out. They stay at the club for another half hour or so, not so much dancing, but more like swaying together and staring hungrily at each other. 

“Should we get going back?” asked Dave pressing his nose to Klaus’s ear. 

“Yeah, we should probably wash up before our cum dries into our pubes,” said Klaus kissing Dave on the mouth. 

“Romantic,” laughed Dave, though he still kissed Klaus back.

The next thing Klaus remembered was showering with Dave in his room that the army rented out for them, before collapsing on the bed.

Dave leaned over and kissed Klaus sweetly. Klaus deepened the kiss and unwrapped the towel that Dave was in. 

“I wanna see you,” said Klaus. “Please, please, please.” 

“I want to see you,” responded Dave. Klaus tore off his towel and climbed on top of Dave. Dave laughed and swiftly moved Klaus so that he was under him. 

“Wait,” said Klaus. He wiggled out from under Dave and dug around in his bag for a second. He pulled out a tub of Vaseline and tossed it to Dave. “Stole it from the medic.” 

Klaus climbed onto Dave’s lap  and was about to start wiggling his eyebrows like a mad yet very sexy caterpillar, but saw that Dave was staring at the Vaseline in his hand with a rather lost expression. 

So instead Klaus took Dave’s face in his hands and asked, “Have you ever done this before?”

Dave shook his head and looked so shy and insecure that Klaus’s damn heart just melted. Klaus tapped Dave’s nose with his hand and took the Vaseline out of Dave’s hand, “We don’t have to do this right now. We can wait. I can wait a million years if that’s what you want.” Klaus threw his hands out wildly to demonstrate the extent of his waiting ability and accidentally catapulted the Vaseline across the room.

To his credit, Dave did not laugh, just smiled and shook his head. Then, Dave looked Klaus right in the eye and said, “There has never been anything I wanted more in my life.” Klaus tried to put everything he couldn’t say in words into his next kiss with Dave. 

The next few minutes were nothing but absolute bliss. Unfortunately, when Dave got up to go retrieve the Vaseline from wherever Klaus flung it, enough blood is able to make its way back to Klaus’s brain so that he began to think and panic. He’s having sex with DAVE. SEX GOD DAVE. Beautiful wonderful kind Dave. What if Dave hates Klaus’s body? What if Klaus is so horrible that Dave never wants to have sex with him ever again? What if Klaus is so repellent that he singlehandedly changes the whole history of gay rights and somehow turns Dave straight???

Dave came back to sit on the bed and began to kiss Klaus. Unfortunately, Klaus’s mouth had other ideas.

“I normally wax my ass,” Klaus blurted out. 

“What?” said Dave looking incredibly confused. 

“So it’s not so hairy.”

“I see,”  responded Dave.

“That it’s hairy?” 

“What?”

“What?” 

There was a short silence where Klaus and Dave just stared at each other in mutual confusion.

“And once I tried to bleach my asshole by myself,” Klaus continued.

“What?!”

“Yeah, it wasn’t a good idea. It burned like ten thousand suns had just invaded my butt.”

“Klaus,” said Dave very patiently. “I have no idea what you are going on about.”

“I’m just not as well groomed as I normally am,” explained Klaus. “After weeks of slumming it in the jungle. And you’re probably used to girls who smell nice and don’t have hair growing on their butts and don’t need to have pretty assholes and Vaseline because they have a magical vagina that self lubricates and--” 

Dave put his hands over Klaus’s mouth silencing him. Klaus started to get hard. (He couldn’t help himself). 

“First, I'm going to ignore that you just said 'magical vagina.' Second, I don’t care that you have hair growing on your butt and I don’t know why on earth anyone would bleach their asshole. Most importantly, I think you’re the most gorgeous and wonderful person I’ve met in my life and I really would like to make love to you tonight.” Dave ended this speech with a kiss to Klaus’s lips. Klaus just about died and went to heaven right then and there. 

Sex with Dave was different any other sex Klaus had. Dave and Klaus held hands, stared into each other’s eyes, and kissed passionately yet tenderly. Klaus had never understood the expression “making love” until that moment. But in that moment, he could feel love blossoming in his stomach all the way down to his toes. 

Daddy had tried his best to wipe out any sort of soft weak romantic feelings from the children. Klaus tried hard not to need anyone and ignore the ache for a loving family and loving partner. Now, in Vietnam, miles and years away from his not-so-loving family, he could finally let loose and love with all of his heart. 

Klaus told Dave after that he had never had sex with someone he really wanted before. It was always for food or drugs or a soft bed to sleep in. Dave kissed Klaus on the forehead and said, “I’m glad I could be here with you, my love.” Klaus absolutely did not cry. 

The next two days were the best days of Klaus’s entire life. They were a whirlwind of sightseeing and clandestine sex acts. Klaus had never felt more alive than when he was with Dave. It was almost easy to forget there was a war. 

On the morning of the day they went back to the jungle, Dave turned to Klaus and said, “We can’t do what we did here in the jungle. People would find out. What if I got transferred away? I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.” 

Klaus felt like he had just taken a bullet to his heart. He should have expected this. The story of his life. Just sex, not love. “Alright then, just a Saigon thing, then? No quicky behind the trees?” 

Dave shook his head. “I wish, Klaus.” 

“One last kiss then?” asked Klaus. 

Dave leaned in and Klaus met him halfway. When they pulled away, Klaus couldn’t look at Dave and so instead stared at the floor. 

Dave pulled up Klaus’s face and brushed Klaus’s face. “Don’t cry, Klaus. We’ve without sex before, we can do it again.” Dave pulled Klaus close to his chest. “I’ll still be loving you. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

Klaus pulled away so he could look into Dave’s eyes. “You’ll still be loving me?” he asked in a tiny voice. 

Dave smiles and his eyes crinkle beautifully. “I can love without sex, can’t I?” 

Klaus mashed his face into Dave’s face so that Dave lost his balance and fell back onto the bed. 

“Woah, Klaus,” said Dave looking very startled. “You okay, baby?”

Klaus laughed giddily. “I’m wonderful, you’re wonderful. This is wonderful!” He bounces on Dave who starts to turn a little red. 

“Careful, there. We don’t have time for another round,” Dave wheezed as Klaus bounced harder.

Klaus cackled maniacally and Dave began to look very concerned. “It’t not about sex, you doofus!” Klaus scolded himself. "Not about sex!"

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Dave stroked Klaus's face carefully. 

“Never better!” Klaus gave Dave a big smooch on the lips. “For ten horrible seconds, I thought you just wanted me for sex.” 

“No, of course not,” said Dave. “My ma raised me to be a gentleman.” Dave gave Klaus a gentle kiss back.

“She raised you well,” beamed Klaus. He leapt off of Dave. “Come on, darling. We’re gonna be late!”

“You’re in a good mood now. I’m glad.” 

Klaus grinned. “I’m with you, baby, and you want me. There’s no place I’d rather be," Klaus said like the little secret sap he is. 

Dave gave Klaus another truly knee-trembling dick-raising kiss before they raced out the door to meet the rest of their troop. 

 


End file.
